Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
