He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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