Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
