the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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