Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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