Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
