What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
