I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
This can only be settled by a dance off.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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