a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
