I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
