Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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