i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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