btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
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