hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
We need a shit load of segways right now
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
