At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
