you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
