Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
