Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
You dont lie about slip and slides
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
