I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
