The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
