i'm signing you up for texting rehab
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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