careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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