Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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