I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
