I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
