you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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