I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
