Heybabeimwearingurpanties
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
barbara walters just said penis...
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
