you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
