M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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