I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
vagina is talking i cant
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I think I just sharted jello shots
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
