My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
