I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
