I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
