are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
