dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
