Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
