I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
