And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
