A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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