To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
