Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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