with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Randomize
