My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
My day in three words: secret purse cake
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
