...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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