Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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