Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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