Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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