I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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