Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
We have so much sex to catch up on
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
