a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
