as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
