I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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