Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Randomize
